January 1, 2011


Quite some time since my last post here. Same whining, same problem. Sometimes bigger, sometimes smaller. So basically that's what its all about. But lets put all that aside. I don't want to recall it all again. 

Now, I'm trying to let all things just flow. And I would follow without any question why, and how. If its painful, then that's what I'm going to feel. I'm not gonna alter it, or change it to suit myself. After all these years with my loved ones, I kept changing things according to what I like, what I love. Even though I shouldn't had. I'm afraid. I can't accept losing something that makes me feel safe, happy, and peaceful.

Improvement. Yet I don't seem to manage to even achieve 0.1% of it. Unconsciously, I try change her according to what I like. What I think was the perfect lover supposed to be. And there I am, still with the old cloak, hiding my true fear behind the back of the one that love me the most. I'm weak inside, but on the outside, I'm acting like Mr-Know-It-All.

Changes. Try achieve that instead of improvement. If its bad, then change again. Yes, more generalized, less risk, less painful, but little or no pros at all. I just want to be myself, be brave, get pass through all this with strong heart, and not like a wimp. 

And by the way, I've moved to Tumblr. Less maintenance, easier to post, more eye friendly, less hassle to read. Just fine :)


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