Lover's Requiem

it's been kinda weird lately. and i thought i must have done something wrong to the wrong person in the wrong moment. i've said sorry, but they neglect it with so much hatred in me.
days and nights, slipping through the gap carrying big regret within thy heart.

yes, i don't know you.
nor your life either.
yes, i don't hate you.
nor i like you either.

between heart and mind, between love and fake encouragement, between you and me.
i know that i am the first runner up in your dislikes list, and i like it to be that way.
i don't know why my soul hardening real fast in the past few moments, nor i don't even know
why you keep pushing it through the limits.

big lie never ends.
small lie will never lost its way.
days will show its darkness.
while the dark will reveal its shine.

i paste this sorry, so you would be comfort after all these misery. i paste this regret, so you
would be better and never felt the hurt again. i leave you with these memories, so you will remember it like i did. nothing stands forever, and nothing sits long life ever.

xoxoxo -


just expressing out my thoughts in form of words and phrases. heh, i am a troublesome guy, isn't it? always being such emotional and stuff. ^_^_^ nevermind. thanks for reading it by the way.
in case you didn't understand it, just take it as a poem, or scrap essay, or anything that you like. =)

luv

Coming Back From The End

assalamualaikum. and good day to all my friends ( and whoever reading this no matter we know each other or not ). it's so long since my last post. and there's so many things that changed through the time. i don't know where to start. but maybe its better if i start with my current progress in my study. ( suddenly feel like writing a formal english essay ^_^ )

i'm a degree student now. bachelor in electrical and electronic enggineering [Hons.]( do i spell the last word correctly? ). my mom keep asking me "what is Hons?"
i also don't have any idea what it is actually, but maybe that stands for honors.
hah, honor in bachelor program? i hope i can really get that "honor", not just pass the program with fake "honor". err, i mean pass with great pointer. my pointer for the last trimester foundation program was really bad. its not just bad, but novelty and tragically bad. worse, whatever word that fits. 2.3 or actually 2.29. i finally realise that i've been really dumba** back in foundation, and don't even really care about my studies. tell everyone wanna study, but then stuck with downloading this and that. plus mys**ce and tag*ed, most of my free time was spent on surfing these social websites, trying to find new gf. blarh~~~~~ >.<

so now i have to stop these nonsense. yeah, its quite impossible to totally reject all these habit, surfing and wasting my precious time on something stupid. ( i thought i've said this before in older posts ). but i'm trying my best now to get most of my time on my studies. with much more weird subjects like DE and static that coming up next semester, i really have to torture my mind, keep blasting it with anti-wasting-time-homing-missile......

i missed my friends. zulbrodon, shafiq espada, mr ferooq, yuris, wan fallen, hotshot7, arif razwan, poji tank, and few others that i can't remember right now. huhu, my tummy finally release its next hungry-song. can someone tell me how to keep my stomach filled up without eating?
i can't keep on going with my current asset flowing like water pouring out from the tap.
oh, btw my muet results was good. to me, its really good. i got band 4, and thats great. now my mom can stop asking me about these muet-result-thing......

i still didn't take my driving license, and my motorcycle license. don't know when is the right time to take all these. my current budget also doesn't allows me to take those license.
( i'm in merapu mode now )

better stop right now.

i'm in cendi. and the fees *****! ^_^"

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Just A Little Chat With Myself

ok izham. get your head back up again. put all those unnecessary shits aside for a while. err, at least for 4 weeks. than you want to pick it up back, go ahead. now you've got something to taken care of first. wow, you know it already? yeah, its about your final exam. the deadline is less than 3 weeks from now. you wouldn't want it to be too late when you start pushing things back, do you? so get moving! stop messing around, stop thinking about your social life, about girls, about whateve hell it is. those shits you can touch it back after the exam, so keep moving forward. ( drag those shits with you too if you insist to keep those things ). i won't do that if i were you =)

Mother's Day Special Treat

Parents always know what's best for their children. and I'm totally agree with that, even though sometimes their decision clash with ours.
well, to me, certainly there's one thing that my mom and dad wouldn't be wrong with me.

my eating habit.

yesterday I was fasting, continuing my promise to fasting for 10 days in a row. and last day before yesterday, i was breaking my fast with only a drink of skyjuice.
only that, no food.
and the next day, i continue fasting, and it was like " oh, why did I break my fast yesterday without food?" i was so starving, and have to hold on until Maghrib comes in. to hold it, was an issue, and to find something to eat for break fast, was another issue.

then, my mom calls. she said bla bla bla ( so lazy to write the details ) and decided to come and meet me. i told her about my fasting and she was shock. " how can you keep fasting like that? I'm coming to uniten, make sure you don't go anywhere".

so i wait. and when she arrived with my dad, they gave me those food in the picture. hahaha. that means a kenduri. ^_^

2 bungkus of nasi goreng
1 bungkus of fried chicken and an omellete
2 bungkus of doughnuts ( 6 doughnuts each bungkus )
1 bungkus of chicken nuggets ( don't remember how many of them, i just eat it. )
1 packet of choc buns.
1 packet of cookies.
1.5 litre bottle of sarsi with ice ready. XDD
and err..... i don't remember.
haha

I LOVE YOU MOM AND DAD!!!^_^
WISH YOU LONG LIFE AND HAPPY ALWAYS~

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Balik Kampung Lagi Best

saja bagi semak post nih. X)

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"Papa, Nanti Bacakan Ina Kuat - kuat Ye".

Malam itu saya benar-benar sibuk. Selepas solat Isyak dan menikmati hidangan, saya terus ke meja tulis, mahu menyiapkan kertas kerja yang akan saya bentangkan pada mesyuarat tiga hari akan datang.

Baru nak mula, anak tunggal saya Serena 6, tiba-tiba datang menghampiri. Dan membawa sebuah buku. Saya kerling nampak dia tersengih-sengih manja. Begitulah dia, kalau ada sesuatu yang dimahukannya, dia akan
bersikap terlalu manja.

“Papa? bacakan buku cerita ni. Bagus tau! cerita pari-pari, Ina nak dengar,” kata Serena menghulurkan buku bergambar itu pada saya.

“Buku baru ya?” saya bertanya berbasa basi tanpa menoleh, sekadar melayan. Serena mengangguk lantas memberitahu buku itu dibelinya pagi tadi.

“Papa sibuk, lain kali boleh tak?” saya memujuk. Serena memuncung, memperjelaskan rasa kecewanya, tapi saya benar-benar sibuk. “Bolehlah Papa?..sekejap saja. Ceritanya sedap?.” Rengek Serena enggan mengalah.
“Kan papa kata sibuk! Suruh mama baca?..” “Mama basuh pinggan. Alaaa? bacalah, papa!” Serena merengek sambil menghentak-hentak kakinya ke lantai. Nyata dia tidak mahu mengalah.

“BUDAK INI?..!!!” Tak reti bahasa ke. Pergi sana!!!!” saya jerkah permata hati saya itu. Serena panik. Dia terperanjat sungguh kerana tidak menyangka saya bertindak sejauh itu. Nampak jelas matanya sedikit berkaca, lalu dia beredar sayu. Dalam nada sebak, dengan muka yang sebek, Serena beredar sambil menoleh ke arah saya. Dalam suara tersekat-sekat dia bersuara, “Nanti papa bacakan kuat-kuat cerita ini kat Ina, ya papa!”

Saya hanya memandang tajam ke arahnya. Sebaik tiba di pintu bilik dia menjeling saya, kali ini saya mengangguk. Masa terus berlalu,seminggu, dua minggu namun kesibukan saya semakin bertambah. Setiap kali pulang, Serena tidak merengek minta dibaca cerita pari-pari itu, namun tangannya tak lepas memegang buku itu. Mungkin juga dia faham saya terlalu sibuk.

Pada minggu berikutnya sedang saya, isteri dan Serena menikmati sarapan bersama, saya perhatikan buku itu masih dipegangnya. “Mama dah baca, seronok papa,” kata Serena.

Saya mengangguk sambil tersenyum. “Bila papa nak bacakan?” tiba-tiba Serena bertanya. “Mama dah bacakan, okeylah tu!” Nampak wajahnya terkuncam. Saya terus menyuap makanan. “Mama baca perlahan. Nanti papa bacakan kuat-kuat ya! katanya.

Saya mengangguk.

Selesai makan saya mencapai akhbar. Lembar demi lembar saya tatapi. Tidak terfikir untuk menunaikan impian Serena. Tiba-tiba terdengar bunyi suatu dentuman yang cukup kuat di luar. Konsentrasi saya cuma terganggu
seketika, sebelum kembali memusatkan perhatian ke dada akhbar. Tiba-tiba pintu pagar rumah digegar, saya segera menjenguk. Jiran-jiran mengatakan Serena dilanggar kereta. Saya panik, sempat berfikir, bila pulak dia keluar? Tadi ada kat dapur. Saya memekik memanggil isteri sebelum meluru ke lokasi kemalangan. Sungguh kabar itu benar, Serena terkulai diribaan seorang jiran yang sedang memberi bantuan.

Saya terus pangku anak saya, masuk ke kereta jiran yang sedia memecut ke hospital. Darah membasahi pakaian Serena. Nafasnya sesak. Isteri meraung sekuat hatinya.

“Ina?! Ina?..! Inaaaaaaa!!!” saya memanggil-manggil perlahan namanya dipangkal telinga Serena yang berada dalam pangkuan. Tatkala itu nafasnya tersekat-sekat. “Papa? mama..Ina takut. Ina sayang papa, ina sayang mama, Ina tak nak mati!” bersuara Serena antara dengar dan tidak sambil membuka matanya yang dipenuhi darah, saya kesat darah itu dengan tisu. Namun sekadar cuma. Darah kembali memenuhi wajahnya. Tangisan kuat isteri saya membuatkan jiran yang memandu terus memecut. Di hospital, Serena di tempatkan di bilik ICU ekoran keparahan kecederaannya. Masuk hari kedua, keadaan Serena tak berubah. Dia masih tidak sedarkan diri dan terpaksa bernafas menggunakan respirator.

Itulah saatnya saya merasa cukup bersalah. Lalu petang itu, saya bacakan cerita pari-pari dalam suara yang kuat tetapi tersekat-sekat di sisi katil Serena. Semakin kuat saya membaca, semakin merumbai air mata. Kekesalan berlabuh, tapi segalanya telah musnah. Mungkin Serena tidak dapat mendengar jalan cerita yang sangat diminatinya itu. Keesokan harinya, saya bacakan sekali lagi, masih dalam nada suara yang kuat. Kemudian setiap hari saya bacakan cerita itu ditelinga Serena, sementara isteri saya tak henti-henti menangis. Dia mungkin terlalu marah dan
kesal dengan tindakan saya terhadap Serena sejak seminggu yang lalu.

Masuk hari ketujuh, sebaik saya mula membaca, Serena tiba-tiba membuka matanya perlahan-lahan. Saya nampak terlalu sukar untuk dia melakukan. Bacaan saya terhenti, Air mata merembes dan saya usap-usap kepalanya.

Beberapa ketika kemudian, Serena memejamkan semula matanya, pejam untuk selama-lamanya. Saya seperti terdengar suara Serena mengucapkan terima kasih kerana membacakan cerita itu padanya.

“Papa?? nanti bacakan cerita ini kuat-kuat pada Ina ya?” kata-kata Serena masih terngiang-ngiang di telinga saya sehingga ke hari ini, walau setahun berlalu.

Hingga kini saya tertanya-tanya, apakah sedikit perhatian yang diperlukan oleh seorang anak terlalu mahal untuk diberikan oleh seorang lelaki yang bergelar ayah? Saya tidak dapat menjawap, selain air mata yang tumpah.

via ohtidak.com

Bila Perut Menyanyi

SAYA LAPAARRR.... SIAPA ADA BENDA UNTUK DIMAKAN DAN TAK NAK DAH, MEYH2 BAGI AKU.....SAYA LAPAAAARRRRR~~..... =(

Hari Ini Saya Dapat ....

hari ini.

-saya beli RAM lappy baru
-saya dapat tau orang yang mkn roti canai byk sgt, blh kne obesiti cpt, darah tinggi, mcm2 perkara lain.
-saya dapat tau orang yg mkn nasi lemak byk sgt pun, blh pendek umur sebab masalah jantung dan kencing manis, darah tinggi turut terselit.
-saya dapat tau keadaan sosial saya sekarang dah berubah, lantak pi la. ang nak buat pa kat aku, nak sisihkan aku ka, itu ang punya pasai, aku xnak amek tau.
-saya dapat rasa ketenangan hati kembali bila sejak kebelakangan nih rasa macam orang takde arah tuju.
-saya dapat rasa apa yang best bila sorang2.
-saya kemas bilik saya, sekemas mungkin macam orang nak sambut pengantin. ( err, bilik pengantin lagi sepah rasanya )
-saya dapat berfikir dengan tenang dan waras kembali.
-saya dah tak hirau apa org nak buat kat saya, anda tak puas hati? datang jumpa saya segera dan tumbuk sebiji dimuka, serta nyatakan sebab berbuat demikian, saya xmarah. ( daripada korang yg berkaitan ckp2 belakang. )
-saya buat kuiz fizik dengan hampeh sekali.


ok, itu saja.

I'm Home, And I Bought You Some Souvenir

assalamualaikum. and good evening, morning, night or whatever condition it is for you right now. it's been so long since i've wrote my last post here, in blogger. and that last post also is the main cause, why did i deleted this blog, i mean, my blog. but nevermind.
now i'm here again. with much passion to write, with much interest to read, and with much pleasure to think and and think, and keep my mind busy, from what used to be a great achievement in my life, and now turned into something that really bothers me alot.

i'm so sorry. especially to heqing, for what happened between both of us, and to my fellow friends, for being silent from all of you, keeping myself away from all of you. yes, maybe i'm quarantining myself. i don't want to be rude to all of you. i don't want to be as emo as you may know me before. yep, i admit it. i am a very unstabled-emotion person. very unstabled. i've tried to change this negative value inside of me, but it seems harder than what i thought to be as easy as breaking a glass. i'm trying hard, really hard. and now i've managed to control it. after such a long time, separating myself from all of you.

my life now. err. if simplified, lets just say, that i walk alot now. ALOT. and i goes to upten almost everynight this week, as well as the lake too. ( guess what i'm doing there, from 8pm to 4.30 am ).

haha. when i read back my own last post, i laughed. i don't know why. but the prospect that i'm loving my laptop more than myself and people around me is a bit selfishness, and err... i can't find the suitable words for it.

ok, i'm new now. much better, i bet so. and i've found my own strength through all these problems and difficulties. and i'm willing, that i can be as close with all of you like before. ahh. so many works to be done. informative speech, MUET tests, tutorials, quizes..hurm, but what can i do, this is life. all of you having it to right now, am i right? oh, i better go and take shower now. its already near the afternoon. XDD

have a nice day, friends. =)

My New Workspace

my new workspace. no more bulky cpu. no more crt monitor.
instead, a laptop. Compaq.
yay. thanks dad.
ouh, and all this cost me about extra RM400. why?
i'll tell you later.

my new sweetheart, Compaq N Toty. ( ha? )